Christmas Merriment and Yurting joy.

For those of you who I have been around recently would have heard me say I can’t believe how quickly 2014 has come around, my last blog was about moving out and now we only have two weeks left at our friends and three weeks till our trip, so with that hasn't time flown by….

Christmas was beautiful, I read my blog from last Christmas this morning and it’s interesting to look at where I was there to where I am now, I was reapplying for university, living in our flat and making decisions for my future. I guess at least the latter is still true, decision making is always at the forefront of my mind and my friends know I am always planning and making changes to my life, I am not happy sitting content and I don’t know what that’s about but as a Counsellor I could definitely look for a deeper meaning, today I will just look at as an excitement for adventure and filling my life with goodness!

After the intensity of my most recent course it was nice to spend 2 weeks relaxing at Christmas, I love being in my family home, it makes me feel very happy and relaxed and the feeling of Christmas is so strong it’s like a magic in the air. The run up to Christmas was nice but without being in our own nest it didn't feel the same and I missed that Christmassy feel of decorating a tree, crafting decorations and hanging stockings, so to arrive in Newcastle to my Mum’s grotto was bliss and filled me with delight.

We always stay in on Christmas eve, I used to go out but feel being at home is special and important, we eat delicious food, swap a Christmas present, put our Christmas PJ’s on and watch something Christmassy, its beautiful and I know it will be a tradition I will carry on when I have kids. Sam and I spent Christmas apart (again) this year which was hard and didn't feel right but it was what we decided due to our trip, I missed sharing Christmas morning with him and speaking on the phone is never the same as being present together. After this year we agreed next year we would be together and the year after (fingers crossed) where in our own place and have agreed it would be spent in our home – together, yeah!

Sam arrived on the 27th and we went and spent two nights in a Yurt at Wild Northumbrian http://www.wildnorthumbrian.co.uk/ , it was a present I bought for Sam in November but I thought booking it over Christmas would be a delight and would be really magical, it certainly was that. We stayed in the Merle Yurt and agreed to have our Christmas here, we took our family dog – bowdog and spent two glorious nights with Wild Northumbrian in the beautiful Kielder Forest. For those of you who don’t know Kielder it’s another amazing part of Northumberland and recently won the best darkest skies (basically meaning there is no light pollution so the stars are incredible), the yurt had been decorated beautiful and when we arrived they had the log burner going and the candles on, we spent the evening drinking mulled wine and feasting on veggie stew, exchanging gifts and talking of our Christmas days, I felt so happy and blessed it was more than I could have asked for.

The next day we enjoyed breakfast, watched Bow running around (and under) the Yurt and enjoyed the beauty of the scenery around us, wild northumbrian is positioned in a beautiful area and it was just incredible to be out in December in the wonderful countryside. We found a nice walk to go on that day and walked a good 8 miles through Kielder national park, the dog loved it and enjoyed the freeness of the country air, we had our cameras out and got some lovely shots of our walk and the beaming sunshine surrounding us.

NYE was spent in with the family, eating delicious food and enjoying plenty of sparkle; it was nice to not be out and about and just enjoying family time.

2013 A New Year with a challenging start.

2013 hasn’t been the start I had hoped and wished for, after a lovely Christmas with the family, it just feels January and February have been testing me as to what are the right choices ahead of me. I sometimes feel so contrived to achieve certain milestones in my educational attainment due to the constricted world we live in when applying for health related jobs. Everything is governed by professional registration at the moment and even being a qualified counselor (something I thought as a child was a brilliant career) is not even regarded now for statutory employment. I have always wanted to stay in the voluntary sector as believe more in the work voluntary agencies do but sadly even there getting stringent on professional qualification’s leaving me and my hard working background a little bit stuck. As I mentioned in my last blog I had decided to apply for midwifery and since doing so have had a few wobbles whether it’s the correct route and fear of the degree being too medical rather than the holistic way I have studied worked over the last 10yrs, I wondered if this was the best way to get my registration and if I could work with vulnerable pregnant women without a midwifery qualification but with my counseling and experience, sadly the jobs are so scarce right now it’s hard to even research this as there is  nothing to compare too. With all these thoughts and thinking I then received 2 unsuccessful from UCAS stating my GCSE grades did not meet the course requirements, even though I met L3 my L2 was not suffice, so I meet the higher grade but not the GCSE grade I sat 14yrs ago, madness. I resided myself to the fact Midwifery was out and maybe my reservations had been fate telling me there was different ways to enhance my career. I then received an invite to London South Bank for interview, after passing numeracy and literacy tests I then attended an interview, after a 4hr wait and a dehydration setting in, I entered the interview room and the first thing asked was ‘do you have 5 GCSE’s at grade A*-C’ I thought it was a joke and again had to explain my educational journey from school to now, another long tiring journey, with this I was told my application could be at jeopardy due to my not having these grades. I attempted to sell myself with my placement working with women exiting street prostitution, my current employment working with families with substance misuse problems and my extensive health studies course that covered English, Human Anatomy, Physiology, Maths but still they were not satisfied. They then interviewed me and I did the best I feel I could but sadly my grades from so long ago may impact if I gain a place on the course. I left disheveled and low but felt a discouragement from the University and a wonder in my mind if this was the University I wanted to study at and was all these negative signs someone telling me this was not the change I should be chasing.

In other news I was told I was facing redundancy and then two days later told I was not, another shock to the system and another time when I wondered ‘is this what life is about and is this the country I want to be living in right now’.

My mind keeps going back to my first thoughts of exploring, buying a one way ticket to India and making our way around the world, practicing yoga, gaining life experience, seeing family and friends, working and strengthening our minds. I keep questioning is this something I could do, is there fear in me that stops me and asking what is that fear – Letting others down? Feeling a failure? Missing an opportunity? Or is it just the general rule that I feel society puts on women and that at 29 (nearly 30) should I not be starting a family and getting a good career, but then the part of my personality that strives for excitement and fun, rebels against this concept and tells me to follow my dreams and take the adventure.  I have this underlying fear that keeps me in the safe comfortable reality but I can feel myself yearning for more and a main fear is one day it will be harder, it will never be too late but other obstacles will be in the way, whereas now there is nothing (apart from my chickens) if Sam and I wanted to take this opportunity we could, we could work away for some part and see where our traveling toes take us. Sadly it’s not just my fear I am fighting its Samuel’s too, the fear of the unknown can be the biggest cause of regret I feel, it’s just so hard that fear can control so much of our thoughts. Adventure to be or not to be, watch this space.

Our beautiful Murphy was killed by a fox, the day was a horrid and torturous one and I didn’t realise how much I loved my chickens, we put flowers with her as we said goodbye and hoped she had found her chicken heaven. Safe travels Danny Murphy, RIP.

One fun thing that has been happening is craft night aka knitting group, me and a few of my girlies have been getting together and learning the skill of knitting, it’s been so much fun and a brilliant way to get everyone together to craft and learn new skills. If people choose to carry it on that’s amazing, but if not it’s just been nice, having a natter and knitting along the way. So far my crafting has taught me how to make a patchwork blanket, 3 cushions and a mug hug.

Sammy bought me a new bike, a red Britannia Pashley, she is adorable and sometimes I find myself longingly looking at her, feel like a princess riding her and feel she has definitely brought a smile to the start of 2013.

My Mum and Ronnie’s dog Bow is definitely a delight to 2013 also, she is full of energy and puts a smile on my face every time I return home, her enthusiasm to play brings an electric feel to the room and when I am with her I forgot the stress of the ‘real world’ and enjoy silly Bow time world.

Spring is in the air and it feels delightful outside, roll on May for a month of birthday brilliance and Vietnam travels.