Care - what does it look like to you?

I have woken today with a heavy heart and a reflective mind, it's a question I have been asking myself for a while, what does care look like to me? How do I know others care or show they care and how do I muddle through this world of friendship, family, work, life knowing how to care for others and how they care for me.

Care: the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.

I know I show care through communication, it's my go to, whether that's dedicated quality time with someone, words of love, support and commitment to being present and loyal.  I believe this is the way I also look after myself, being honest and real with how I think and feel and ensuring I listen to what's best for me. Allowing myself quality time and commitment to my needs and time allows a better me.

In my work I show I care through counselling, I feel it's my gift to support and empower young women and men to overcome trauma and find their way back into this world after horrific abuse and assault. However how I care in my work is different to my care in friendships as I don't expect anything back from my young people, just for them to attend and commit to finding their path to recover.

This post links similarly to another blog I wanted to write and have been hesitant as I know it feels a tricky one to navigate, female friendships, I guess when I reflect on female friendships they have changed, grown and lost, they have been some of the biggest life lessons and some of the biggest hurts but when I look at them all communication was either the growth or loss in them all.

I feel I also don't help myself as I am aware of my strength and commitment to my own care, life has brought up so many challenges that I have had to navigate a lot of self development and find what's important to me, my values and morals have defiantly been challenged and tested and it's taken me time to find what the core of them are, I feel I am close, not fully there but I know what's important and one thing is there being a balance in friendship, a balance in care, that it's not just a one way process. I know I am a person who likes to support others but recently I have realised I don't always get that back and why that is I will never know.

When I moved back to Newcastle it wasn't easy, my main community i was friends with before had moved away and I knew another friendship group was changing, i didn't feel a place there. It was a new challenge for me and once again it felt I was starting again, I guess that's a reflection in itself the amount of times I have made changes in my life which means I have had to find new friendships and make new connections. Sometimes I feel I am constantly navigating this world and I know I have a few very close ones, I do still miss my core favourites, I guess that's where my love language of quality time comes in, making sure I spend time away and commit to the importance of those friendships.

We bumble along in this life, enjoying and embracing it, friendships change, people change but does the way we care change? How do we chose how we care and what navigates us to this way of being. I guess for me I have realised there's only so much I can give and if it's not equal I question the importance and place for it.

Maybe I am always going to be reflecting and questioning this, as I move through life I make stronger friendships with more meaning and depth then I have ever felt, we look for different aspects in people as we grow and I thank the ones around me, holding, supporting and communicating through this tricky stage of life. 

Reflections of 2014.

So were back in the wilds of the beautiful North East, its been a long 6 months  waiting for Sammy to join me but eventually were reunited and the discussions of where we were this time last year have began, reflecting over the incredible adventure and opportunity life brought us to spend 9 months exploring part of this incredible world.

The highs, lows and learning's of 2014.

Many lessons were learnt last year, I fell in and out of love with every country we travelled, I learnt lessons about love not just from my relationship but others, I pushed myself to limits I didn't think I could and I let myself be freer then I ever have, letting my toes travel where the adventure chose.

Travelling.

Day trains, night trains, night buses, day buses, ferries, speed boats, rowing boats, taxis, hiking, flights, walking, up hills, down hills, across country, through continents we did it all and I smiled and cried through so many as I thought my poorly sick mind could take no more, but it always did and there was always another journey around the corner. We took a 32hr train through India, a night insect ridden train through Burma, we waited hours to get picked up in Borneo, we jumped out of a taxi with a drunken Thai driver, lost on the motorway in Chiang Mai, went back in time when heading to Mexico and lost our minds and our way on the way to Bali, however I wouldn't change any of it, as like people say 'its all part of the experience'.

Sleeping.

So part of my agreement was that we wouldn't stay in basic stays and would at least hit the mid way mark, however the excitement of travelling I realised was not always laying your head on a bed and sometimes finding sleep whenever and wherever it came, from bartering cheap prices to sleep in basic but beautiful seafront huts, sleeping on night trains, spooning up in locked bays on night buses, catching a few hours on the seats in a Japanese airport, sleeping in a brothel in Mexico, the middle of a desert in India, a tent in the forest of a Malaysian island, we got everywhere, some places I slept in a perfect dream, one night I woke up with a cockroach on my face, it tested me to my limits but the memories will always make me smile.

Eating.

Samosas from every bus stand in India, Thai curry on the streets of Bangkok, Fish upon fish in Malaysia, Khmer Curry in Cambodia, Kuching Laksa in Borneo, we ate every type of food going, my vegetarianism lacked and although I never chose to eat meat there were at times a definite hint of meat flavour, I suffered but enjoyed and my culinary tastes developed and my hatred of fish bones dissolved.

Friendships.

We met and adventured with so many great people on our trip, friends we feel we have made for life, friends who were just the right people to be there at that time, I learnt and developed from some of these people and changed my views on some of life's important lessons from understanding and searching deeper in my heart for a stronger meaning. Exploring the world you realise how many people are on similar journeys, sometimes even having a parallel life in some aspect, the many nights we spent talking and sharing times and adventures, it was great to have the chance in life to go out there be vulnerable but be open to learn from people I met as strangers but soon become friends.

Love.

Sam and I decided we wanted to spend this year together, we wanted to be away from the stresses and strains life brings and connect to each other somewhere different then England, my job can be very demanding and with training to be a Counsellor the last few years I have gone through a number of changes and unfolding in my own personal world, which Sam has held me through and supported me in every stage. This trip therefore was to move on from that and have a year where the world was just about us. Wow what a privilege, hey, we spent many days and nights talking about our relationship, other relationships, family relationships, how they work, how they don't, who inspires us, who doesn't. We talked with friends we met about the meaning of love and importance of past, the strength it gives us to be who we are in our relationship now and the changes we have made due to that. We argued, cried, smiled, loved, jumped, dived, walked, ran, hiked, made decisions, debated decisions, reassured, got lost, got totally lost, but mostly we found each other, we saw each others vulnerabilities and wants and found that deep love that connects us and inspires us.

Lessons.

I never have to do anything, I get to do it.. My yoga teacher Denise Payne taught me this when one day in teacher I asked 'do I have to do this' she reminded me that I never have to do anything, I get to do it and what a privilege that is.

I have a precious human life and I am not going to waste it.. Bex Tyrer read this poem out one day when in a yoga class, it stuck with me and made me think of the adventure we were on, it confirmed the right choices about going away, about quitting my work and doing something for us, life is precious and I certainly wasn't going to waste it.

Everything doesn't happen for a reason, we live in a cruel world.

What's meant for me wont pass me, a friend text me this one day when I was worrying about something, its a mantra that lives with me always.

The Lonely planet does the tell the truth.

When Sam told me we would have the chance to meet the Dalai Lama, I obviously laughed at him, of course the LP states that in its highlighted blue box, why wouldn't it.... well it only turned out to be true and we did get to meet him, miracles do happen.

Changes.

Babies were born, friends were married, people moved away, people moved home, life carried on whilst we travelled and although people always say everything is the same when you come home for us it wasn't, we were different and we were changed, we came home 6wks early as the bank of Sam and Claire ran out, however it felt the right time and we were ready for the next adventure.

 

 



 



 

A Celebration of Love and Unity

We received our invite to lovely Nick and Holly’s August celebration some time back and both smiled with excitement at what the weekend would entail. I loved the concept of what Nick and Holly were doing and how the invite explained the love and unity celebration was about them two and their love, but also the love and unity we all share as friends and how the weekend was a way of celebrating that all together as one community and one heart. As the months went by we received trickles of information and emails of organisation and a view of the weekend started to be born and the beauty it was to hold.

We arrived at the beautiful Featherstone Castle on the Friday afternoon, Sam and I had gone to the Cumberland earlier that week so had met a few of N&H friends prior to the weekend which was really lovely as since moving away I feel there are so many wonderful people I don’t know. An element of my love with my friends is getting them to meet one another and see the brilliance in each other to become friends together, I knew this would the case with all of N&H friends,  so I was really excited to spend a weekend with hopefully what would become new friends and fond memories. When we arrived there was a number of people outside, enjoying the sunshine and revelling in the weekends activities to come, it was great introducing, talking and finding out who was who and how everyone knew N&H, I enjoyed telling my stories of my memories of being young with Nick then meeting  again at WHQ, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride at our friendship and how over the years we have both grown into happier, more grounded people and both lucky enough to have two fantastic curlie’s by our side! 

There was a huge sense of community that felt so strong and reminded me of a good friend who has grown up in such a beautiful close community, her parents and their friends bought a terrace of mining houses after the mines closed and have all brought their children up on South Terrace, all the children are close friends and are now of all ages but the community has stayed strong and together. When I visit I have always talked of wanting to have a close knit group of friends that offer this support and friendship that feels so connected and supportive. I felt a great sense of that with N&H and their friends and it just felt great to be part of all this and see the community they have in the North East. 

Friday evening was spent socialising and eating amazing dahl, we then went to the blue room which was set out as I would describe a huge love bed with mattress, comfy sofa’s, blankets and warmth. We all gathered in, got snug and listened to the array of love and unity dedications from N&H friends and family, it was great listening to the way people dedicated their feelings and words and see the love and happiness in the room. 

Around 9pm Nick Hennessey story telling time started and wow, the room was blown away by his beauty and passion for telling the most amazing stories, the silence in the room was moving and you could tell everyone was entranced by his musical talent and endearing voice. The next few hours were just incredible and such a perfect way to start the weekend learning about the border reivers, nasty zaars and huntsman, so enchanting and beautiful it was incredible to hear the sounds of the harp and beats of the drum. 

The rest of the evening was spent playing ping pong (the most intense silly ping pong playing I have been part of it), drinking red wine, exploring the castle and dancing. As we walked back to our campsite, that night we were excited at what was to come the following day as if this is what the Friday night entailed we knew there would be a whole lot more delight and enchantment tomorrow. 

We woke Saturday morning with a spring in our step, we dressed, and put on our bindi’s and arranged our flowers in our hair ready for another day of smiles and adventures. When we arrived people had started to congregate outside the front of the castle ready for the procession, everyone was holding something to hang on the tree and I could feel a buzz of excitement in the air. Holly came down first and looked as stunning as ever, in a flowing natural looking dress and an amazing flower garland circling her curls she looked incredibly beautiful and at one. Nick arrived with a round of applause dressed in perfect Nick style; it was so beautiful to see the smiles of everyone, the love and unity crafts and the excitement of the beautiful Brown-Greenwood unity that was in full flow. 

We started the celebration by walking in a procession around part of the grounds of Featherstone Castle, standing back and watching the procession was so beautiful, the smiles and merriment of everyone followed through the procession and it was joyous to see everyone interacting with one another and new friendships forming. There was music and talking as the procession went along, enjoying circling the great trees and walking near the river that flows along the bottom of the castle, we ended the procession walk by entering the back gardens of Featherstone and walked to a beautiful striking tree where we hung our crafts of love and unity. Everyone had put so much effort into their craft and standing back and watching everyone was a picturesque and wonderful moment, it made my heart feel so happy the wonder of friendship and the strength of the friends and family celebrating the love of two wonderful people. 

We then all gathered together for the ceremony and stood in a circle listening to different readings from close friends, songs of importance and Nick and Holly’s commitment to each other, the love that shone through them both was enticing to watch and I felt so lucky to be part of their commitment of forever together. 

We spent the next few hours relaxing in the garden, flying kites, drinking elderflower pimm’s, taking (a lot) of photos and embracing in the afternoon of relaxed niceness and mesmerising fun. 

Lunch time came and we feasted on an array of delicious food throughout the afternoon and drank copious amounts of tasty wine, Sam being over excited at their being an ale pump in the craft room. It was blissful listening to the speeches that took place and the commitment of friends and family and the kind words they wished to share of their love and closeness to Nick and Holly. When hearing Joss’s speech it really moved me as I really feel there has been a solidarity in mine, Joss and Nick’s friendship and I feel we have all changed and grew but have remained so close, my move to London left so many close people behind but the friendship between has stayed strong if not stronger and I know they will be two friends who will always be part of my life. I just feel so blessed we have all found amazing husbands, wife’s, fiancées who are just as amazing and the fun we all have together as one group is so lucky, happy days with happy friends. 

Nick and Holly surprised us all with a bhangra dancer; everyone joined in, laughed, sweated and smiled trying to keep up with the dancer’s moves and rhythm. After all the dancing a dip was required and after much debating I participated in my first skinny dipping fun (and freezed my bits off in the cold lake), both myself and Holly lasted five minutes whilst the others enjoyed games, swimming, nakedness and a whole lot of laughter. 

Our evening meal was served and a delicious vegetarian chill was enjoyed, we danced till the early hours to the sounds of Diddly Squat with the night ending with a rave up in the ping pong room downstairs. We finally sulked off to bed at around 4am and positioned our head torches for the mile walk back to our campsite, tired, drunken, smiling and full of joy we walked and talked all the way home, remembering parts of the day, what stuck out in our own minds and smiled at the happiness the day had given us all.