The Power of Dance - You can go your own way!

I shared with my friends at work yesterday how I miss dancing, how I look forward to festivals and weddings so much as it's the main space I get to dance like mad, that sweaty, smelly, free feeling, exhilarating dancing. Throughout my late teens and twenties I danced most weekends from funky house, to techno to indie disco's, funk and soul music lived in my bones and was such a huge part of my identity. 

Life changes though and those dancing beats become less and my hips stopped moving as much. 

It's strange as when I look back at my relationship with dancing it has brought so much goodness into my life, Sam and I met through our love of dirty indie, festivals are a huge part of my Summer fun, some of my favourite friendships were formed across a dance floor and one of my favourite memories of travelling was dancing wildly for 2hrs in Bali, no drink just coconuts. 

So why does it just stop being something we do and only something we enjoy when at an 'event' (as such). Is it about other people's expectations of us, is it the worry of judgement, is it that we don't have the opportunity?

Tonight I changed all that. I went to meet with a new reflexology practitioner today, for certain reason's I changed from my other practitioner and seeked Claire out through my acupuncturist.  We talked about a number of things in this first meeting and it felt more than just a reflexology appointment, after an incredible reflexology session we talked about my self care and things I could do to help my relationship with my body. One thing she recommended was to dance, to get home, put a song on a dance freely. 

and I did just that... and then I couldn't stop and danced more and more, I sweated, I jumped, I twirled and then Sam joined in and you know what... it was amazing. As I danced I cried the pain of so many things I have been feeling and allowed my body to move in the way it needed, it just felt so freeing and releasing and that power of dance was ignited in my bones again. 

So from a discussion yesterday to a reflexology appointment today to me moving my hips tonight, I am dancing again and I feel alive. Dancing literally is therapy! 

So go ahead, make your playlist, dance and feel how good it feels just to be free and wild, dancing to the beat of your own drum. 

My favourites from tonight:

1. Robyn - Dancing on my Own

2. Fleetwood Mac - Go your own Way

3. Detroit Emeralds - Feel the Need in Me

4. Inspiral Carpets - This is how it Feels

5. Stevie Nicks - Edge of Seventeen

3yrs on... still trying, lets plan a holiday!

Ooof where to start today, my holiday maybe, we decided to go away for some sunshine, we couldn't go to India for certain reason's, so chose the next hot place we could afford, La Palma, Canary Islands, 'as it always is sunny in the Canaries they say', hmm, seems not. This isn't  a blog about my holiday but a blog about what keeps me going through the torrent of trying to conceive. One of those things being planning and organising delicious things to keep me sane and have things to look forward too. So the Canaries was not hot, my holiday wasn't super relaxed and i missed Socks (not literal Socks, my doggy).

I realised a few things on this holiday, it was a time for reflection and a time to recognise how we move into our 3rd year, still childless, still hoping and not letting this journey break us. I don't want to mumble through a sad, poor me blog, as i dont feel poor me, i dont feel 'why us' were happy, healthy and have a great life but there's challenge that comes that no one can feel unless they have experienced or realised what it's like having years, not months, years of trying, waiting, hoping then disappointment each month for years and still at the end still not knowing if i will ever grow a baby.
What i realised on my holiday was i have changed, this journey has changed me, i see the world differently to how i used to 3yrs ago, i see fertility differently, i see my body differently and how it functions and responds. I see others differently and how they react and respond. I know who my towers of strengths are, friends who have supported me in ways that have given me what i needed just when i needed it, that self care package that turns up through the post or little quote that makes me smile. I have seen positive and negative changes in me, i have learnt i am strong and have a really positive view on this world and people. I have learnt it's okay to not want to hang out with that friend who has just had a baby, it's okay to say 'actually i just need a bit of space'. Saying no isn't being selfish, it's self care.  I have realised my dog, Socks gives me more than any human, she makes me smile when no one else can, she lets me cry and clearly doesn't say it's going to be okay and she makes me get out and walk when sometimes i want to hide. I now realise anxiety is part of my life, i do struggle at times and being in my nest makes me feel safe and secure. Yoga gives me strength and when i take time to commit to 20mins a day it gives me the power to go through the day. I have learnt blogging and writing lets me express and share and its cathartic and therapeutic.

I have also learnt so many people experience or have experienced fertility related problems and when you talk about it, people share who have never shared before. I do enjoy hearing stories of other people's journeys but from their mouths not others, as everyone has a friend who....

I want fertility issues to be something more talked about, i am open and honest about our journey, some things i chose not to share, as i have to remember there is 2 of us in all of this, but i want is it to be okay to say 'you know what it isn't happening for us' that doesn't mean i am going to break down crying, i don't need your sympathy or sad face just talk to me like this is okay and just another of life's challenges.

So what happens next who knows, what i have learnt is that knowing something delicious is on the cards, then that keeps me focused, keeps me strong and lets me know what i have is already enough.