2013 A New Year with a challenging start.

2013 hasn’t been the start I had hoped and wished for, after a lovely Christmas with the family, it just feels January and February have been testing me as to what are the right choices ahead of me. I sometimes feel so contrived to achieve certain milestones in my educational attainment due to the constricted world we live in when applying for health related jobs. Everything is governed by professional registration at the moment and even being a qualified counselor (something I thought as a child was a brilliant career) is not even regarded now for statutory employment. I have always wanted to stay in the voluntary sector as believe more in the work voluntary agencies do but sadly even there getting stringent on professional qualification’s leaving me and my hard working background a little bit stuck. As I mentioned in my last blog I had decided to apply for midwifery and since doing so have had a few wobbles whether it’s the correct route and fear of the degree being too medical rather than the holistic way I have studied worked over the last 10yrs, I wondered if this was the best way to get my registration and if I could work with vulnerable pregnant women without a midwifery qualification but with my counseling and experience, sadly the jobs are so scarce right now it’s hard to even research this as there is  nothing to compare too. With all these thoughts and thinking I then received 2 unsuccessful from UCAS stating my GCSE grades did not meet the course requirements, even though I met L3 my L2 was not suffice, so I meet the higher grade but not the GCSE grade I sat 14yrs ago, madness. I resided myself to the fact Midwifery was out and maybe my reservations had been fate telling me there was different ways to enhance my career. I then received an invite to London South Bank for interview, after passing numeracy and literacy tests I then attended an interview, after a 4hr wait and a dehydration setting in, I entered the interview room and the first thing asked was ‘do you have 5 GCSE’s at grade A*-C’ I thought it was a joke and again had to explain my educational journey from school to now, another long tiring journey, with this I was told my application could be at jeopardy due to my not having these grades. I attempted to sell myself with my placement working with women exiting street prostitution, my current employment working with families with substance misuse problems and my extensive health studies course that covered English, Human Anatomy, Physiology, Maths but still they were not satisfied. They then interviewed me and I did the best I feel I could but sadly my grades from so long ago may impact if I gain a place on the course. I left disheveled and low but felt a discouragement from the University and a wonder in my mind if this was the University I wanted to study at and was all these negative signs someone telling me this was not the change I should be chasing.

In other news I was told I was facing redundancy and then two days later told I was not, another shock to the system and another time when I wondered ‘is this what life is about and is this the country I want to be living in right now’.

My mind keeps going back to my first thoughts of exploring, buying a one way ticket to India and making our way around the world, practicing yoga, gaining life experience, seeing family and friends, working and strengthening our minds. I keep questioning is this something I could do, is there fear in me that stops me and asking what is that fear – Letting others down? Feeling a failure? Missing an opportunity? Or is it just the general rule that I feel society puts on women and that at 29 (nearly 30) should I not be starting a family and getting a good career, but then the part of my personality that strives for excitement and fun, rebels against this concept and tells me to follow my dreams and take the adventure.  I have this underlying fear that keeps me in the safe comfortable reality but I can feel myself yearning for more and a main fear is one day it will be harder, it will never be too late but other obstacles will be in the way, whereas now there is nothing (apart from my chickens) if Sam and I wanted to take this opportunity we could, we could work away for some part and see where our traveling toes take us. Sadly it’s not just my fear I am fighting its Samuel’s too, the fear of the unknown can be the biggest cause of regret I feel, it’s just so hard that fear can control so much of our thoughts. Adventure to be or not to be, watch this space.

Our beautiful Murphy was killed by a fox, the day was a horrid and torturous one and I didn’t realise how much I loved my chickens, we put flowers with her as we said goodbye and hoped she had found her chicken heaven. Safe travels Danny Murphy, RIP.

One fun thing that has been happening is craft night aka knitting group, me and a few of my girlies have been getting together and learning the skill of knitting, it’s been so much fun and a brilliant way to get everyone together to craft and learn new skills. If people choose to carry it on that’s amazing, but if not it’s just been nice, having a natter and knitting along the way. So far my crafting has taught me how to make a patchwork blanket, 3 cushions and a mug hug.

Sammy bought me a new bike, a red Britannia Pashley, she is adorable and sometimes I find myself longingly looking at her, feel like a princess riding her and feel she has definitely brought a smile to the start of 2013.

My Mum and Ronnie’s dog Bow is definitely a delight to 2013 also, she is full of energy and puts a smile on my face every time I return home, her enthusiasm to play brings an electric feel to the room and when I am with her I forgot the stress of the ‘real world’ and enjoy silly Bow time world.

Spring is in the air and it feels delightful outside, roll on May for a month of birthday brilliance and Vietnam travels.

A New Year with lots of New Adventures.

Christmas time was a delightful time was as always delightful with the lovely family, I tried to embrace it with all I could as knew it would be my last year celebrating Christmas at home alone as next year me and Samuel have chosen to spend it together either at our home and then to Sam’s parents or at my Mum and Ronnie’s home, I am so excited at the prospect of being together and feel ready for this new Christmas plan, its always daunted me not being at home but as times change I can see my own self changing and think waking up without being at home wouldn’t be as bad as I once thought, simply because Sam will be next to me.

With Christmas over and 2013 starts the snow comes with it, warm fires and Indian blankets are keeping us warm at home and the wire has kept us entertained for the start of January, being back at work has really hit home and I can feel my readiness for change, although I don’t come to work and hate life, I feel privileged to be doing a job with such rewards and at times enjoy the challenges it brings allowing me to enhance myself as a worker and as an individual. My only itching at the moment is I feel change is upon me and as you can see from previous blogs I have been really trying to find different avenues to go down and what will really challenge me as an individual. I fell into the social care route by accident and although it has been a ‘good’ accident it has developed my learning and allowed me to explore different avenues to see if this is my chosen career and if I can see myself doing this throughout my working days. Recently I have really felt that I wanted a new scope of work and have looked at various degree’s/master’s and jobs to see what may best suit my chosen options for my future, I had settled on a MA but have recently been told the safety of my job may not be present in 2014 meaning an unemployed Claire, with this being the case the MA would leave me limited to my career options and leave me with one main route of therapeutic work and those of you who know me, know I love change. I spent Christmas really thinking about what I want not just for now but for when I have children and when I am older and yes the coffee shop is something I have always wanted maybe its not the right time in the current recession to be putting all our eggs in one basket and maybe this is something we come back to in our later years when we have more stability and more financially secure. I therefore started to think about where my journey first started and how childcare was always something I was interested in and studied with enjoyment at school and college, I took the health route and tried my luck with mental health nursing but didn’t like the 2yr nursing stream and chose to leave after my first term. I discussed with Sam last year the option of midwifery but with my finical situation not being the best we knew it wasn’t something I could go back to just yet. I did some research and broached the subject again and we felt it was something we could afford to do right now and that Sam being lovely Sam he said I should go for it if its something I have always wanted to do, so with that I completed my UCAS and now await an interview, if all goes well I will be back as a full time student come September 2013, studying a course i will be blessed to be part of. 

 Its interesting how when times became hard its found we revert back to what we know and what’s comforting, I was discussing this with my ever wise Gran when telling her I had received a sewing machine of Sam as my Christmas gift and a class at this amazing sewing café http://sewoverit.co.uk/ and she explained that this is evident from the come back of WI meetings for young women and the new shops that are opening that are sewing/knitting/vintage/film cameras/craft shops, something she states you just had to know when growing up, it was part of life, now people pay to learn these skills and want to feel that ‘older generation’s’ way of living. My Gran laughs at my love of film camera and want to learn skills she is so great at, recently my Mum and Gran have been teaching me to knit and I am finding it really therapeutic, when telling a few friends this I have found they too are learning the skills of knitting and sewing and have been carrying out their own craft projects making pillows, screen printing, scarf knitting and film processing. I really love how clever my friends are and felt we should bring all these skills together and learn from one another, so with that craft night was developed, a group of my closest friends are planning on arranging a craft night once a month, we will have different themes and learn from one another to expand our ever growing crafting brains.
I feel 2013 is full of exciting prospects and with our trip to Vietnam in May and exploring these two heavenly beaches/lodgings http://www.junglebeachvietnam.com/welcome.html and http://mangobayphuquoc.com/,  30^th birthdays a plenty, Weddings, Shambala, Glastonbury (with Mum and Ronnie, yeah) and the possible start of a new course I feel a very lucky privileged lady right now.